Listeners get a special insight into why we became feminists. Also, in-depth discussions about chastity, missions, and marriage--and why all are being taught in ways that make us sad.
Alright, comments coming, but first for those that may have not had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing/reading Elder Lynn G. Robbins' excellent (snarky snark) devotional address here it is: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins_avoid/
I remember sitting in the JSB auditorium listening and just laughing hysterically--particularly towards the end, which I am close to positive has been edited to be less sexually charged in its continued cookie analogy. I received all sorts of condemning glares from the more righteous and pure around me. One of the funniest devotionals I have ever attended, also troubling for its ideological undertones, but at least I got a nice laugh out of it.
I also largely owe my feminism to my parents, who are adamant in their refusal to self-identify as feminists and also disagree with my defining of feminism as supporting equality. Can’t win them all… The discussion about better preparing people for missions is an interesting one. I definitely think that people culturally don’t understand the sheer amount of exhaustion (mental/spiritual/emotional/physical) that comes from serving a mission. I mean, I don’t know how you can really prep someone for what it’s like, since I also identify strongly with the sentiment of absolutely loving my service as a missionary. There’s no logical reason I should—I served in Lithuania, spent the vast majority of my time being rejected, had zero converts, had a tie stolen from off my neck, suffered regular verbal abuse, etc. Nothing about that sounds fun. It sounds a bit hellish, but there was something transcendent about the time I spent serving. Part of this may have been that I semi-expected to have such a difficult time (numerical success-wise), since I ‘covenanted’ (for lack of a better word) with God years ago that I would be one of His/Her/Their servants that never had a baptism, if someone needed to. That’s all sort of tangential to the topic at hand, but I think the difficulty lies in using language that describes the beauty and wonder and joy of the experience, while fully owning up to the fact that it was rough, so that youth are aware of the difficulties, but not frightened off. Also, I think we have a difficult time culturally in describing spiritual experiences and too often rely on clichés that don’t fully encapsulate the depth and power of the experience. (Here are some more of my thoughts on missions and how to improve the experience, if you’re interested. I may have linked to this before, but here it is anyway: https://conorhilton.wordpress.com/2015/05/17/mission-improve-missions-for-all/). I think you’re right on with the concerns of equating divorce with ‘giving-up’ on your marriage. I mean, I get where that comes from and think that the origin of such concerns is a healthy one—that marriage should not be viewed as something purely meant to give us pleasure and should therefore be cut off whenever life’s hard—but the consequences of thinking of all members that have been divorced as failures and lesser people are far too awful to ignore. Again, I think that the standard is something that we should keep in mind for our own behavior, but that we should be wary of using an ideal to judge the spirituality of those around us.
I already linked to and shared some thoughts on the Lynn G. Robbins devo, but more broadly, I think we have some troubles culturally in talking about sex. I mean, I’m pretty sure the word ‘sex’ is only used once in that entire 40-50 minute talk on the law of chastity. That is a problem (not limited to Elder Robbins; have you heard of the (in)famous ‘For Young Men Only’ talk/pamphlet by then-Elder Packer? It’s all about masturbation, but the first few times I read it, I had no idea what was going on). It’s no wonder Mormons are weird about sex, we can’t even say the word, are instructed to totally avoid any and all things related to it, until we’re married when suddenly everything’s on the table and it’s meant to be some sort of glorious spiritual experience. There’s a fantastic piece I read recently(ish) about Sexuality and Single Adults in the Church, which you should check out (here: http://www.finlayson-fife.com/drjenniferfife/2015/5/30/sexuality-and-singledomnavigating-with-clarity-and-integrity). The gist is that typically the way the law of Chastity is taught doesn’t really treat people as sexual beings, which gets pretty complicated and messy for those that remain single into adulthood (and is not a great formulation for anyone, to be honest). Anyway, worth a read. And I think highlights some of the larger concerns with the way sex is taught and approached within Mormonism. Your comments about couples that are engaged or close to it or whatever chatting about sex are insightful. I’m not sure when the best time for that conversation is (if there is a universal law about the best time for Mormon couples to discuss their future sex lives)—although I’m pretty confident it should happen, despite what I learned in a combined fifth Sunday lesson on the law of chastity led by my bishopric a few years ago (we were talking about setting boundaries and how there are some logistical things you need to chat about before getting married, as far as sex goes, when someone in my ward decided to share something she’d heard growing up that you don’t need to talk about or worry about anything because we know that the Holy Ghost can teach us all things, so in that moment, the HG will prompt you to do what you need to do. Who knew that the Holy Ghost was also an ideal sex instructor?).
Alright, comments coming, but first for those that may have not had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing/reading Elder Lynn G. Robbins' excellent (snarky snark) devotional address here it is: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/lynn-g-robbins_avoid/
ReplyDeleteI remember sitting in the JSB auditorium listening and just laughing hysterically--particularly towards the end, which I am close to positive has been edited to be less sexually charged in its continued cookie analogy. I received all sorts of condemning glares from the more righteous and pure around me. One of the funniest devotionals I have ever attended, also troubling for its ideological undertones, but at least I got a nice laugh out of it.
I also largely owe my feminism to my parents, who are adamant in their refusal to self-identify as feminists and also disagree with my defining of feminism as supporting equality. Can’t win them all…
ReplyDeleteThe discussion about better preparing people for missions is an interesting one. I definitely think that people culturally don’t understand the sheer amount of exhaustion (mental/spiritual/emotional/physical) that comes from serving a mission. I mean, I don’t know how you can really prep someone for what it’s like, since I also identify strongly with the sentiment of absolutely loving my service as a missionary. There’s no logical reason I should—I served in Lithuania, spent the vast majority of my time being rejected, had zero converts, had a tie stolen from off my neck, suffered regular verbal abuse, etc. Nothing about that sounds fun. It sounds a bit hellish, but there was something transcendent about the time I spent serving. Part of this may have been that I semi-expected to have such a difficult time (numerical success-wise), since I ‘covenanted’ (for lack of a better word) with God years ago that I would be one of His/Her/Their servants that never had a baptism, if someone needed to. That’s all sort of tangential to the topic at hand, but I think the difficulty lies in using language that describes the beauty and wonder and joy of the experience, while fully owning up to the fact that it was rough, so that youth are aware of the difficulties, but not frightened off. Also, I think we have a difficult time culturally in describing spiritual experiences and too often rely on clichés that don’t fully encapsulate the depth and power of the experience. (Here are some more of my thoughts on missions and how to improve the experience, if you’re interested. I may have linked to this before, but here it is anyway: https://conorhilton.wordpress.com/2015/05/17/mission-improve-missions-for-all/).
I think you’re right on with the concerns of equating divorce with ‘giving-up’ on your marriage. I mean, I get where that comes from and think that the origin of such concerns is a healthy one—that marriage should not be viewed as something purely meant to give us pleasure and should therefore be cut off whenever life’s hard—but the consequences of thinking of all members that have been divorced as failures and lesser people are far too awful to ignore. Again, I think that the standard is something that we should keep in mind for our own behavior, but that we should be wary of using an ideal to judge the spirituality of those around us.
I already linked to and shared some thoughts on the Lynn G. Robbins devo, but more broadly, I think we have some troubles culturally in talking about sex. I mean, I’m pretty sure the word ‘sex’ is only used once in that entire 40-50 minute talk on the law of chastity. That is a problem (not limited to Elder Robbins; have you heard of the (in)famous ‘For Young Men Only’ talk/pamphlet by then-Elder Packer? It’s all about masturbation, but the first few times I read it, I had no idea what was going on). It’s no wonder Mormons are weird about sex, we can’t even say the word, are instructed to totally avoid any and all things related to it, until we’re married when suddenly everything’s on the table and it’s meant to be some sort of glorious spiritual experience.
ReplyDeleteThere’s a fantastic piece I read recently(ish) about Sexuality and Single Adults in the Church, which you should check out (here: http://www.finlayson-fife.com/drjenniferfife/2015/5/30/sexuality-and-singledomnavigating-with-clarity-and-integrity). The gist is that typically the way the law of Chastity is taught doesn’t really treat people as sexual beings, which gets pretty complicated and messy for those that remain single into adulthood (and is not a great formulation for anyone, to be honest). Anyway, worth a read. And I think highlights some of the larger concerns with the way sex is taught and approached within Mormonism. Your comments about couples that are engaged or close to it or whatever chatting about sex are insightful. I’m not sure when the best time for that conversation is (if there is a universal law about the best time for Mormon couples to discuss their future sex lives)—although I’m pretty confident it should happen, despite what I learned in a combined fifth Sunday lesson on the law of chastity led by my bishopric a few years ago (we were talking about setting boundaries and how there are some logistical things you need to chat about before getting married, as far as sex goes, when someone in my ward decided to share something she’d heard growing up that you don’t need to talk about or worry about anything because we know that the Holy Ghost can teach us all things, so in that moment, the HG will prompt you to do what you need to do. Who knew that the Holy Ghost was also an ideal sex instructor?).